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By: Anja Uitdehaag

Brene Brown has found through her research that women tend to feel shame around the idea of being ‘never enough’… at home, at work, in bed, never pretty enough, never smart enough, never thin enough, never good enough…

Men tend to feel shame around the fear of being perceived as weak, or more academically, ‘fear of being called a pussy’.

Both sexes get trapped in the same box for different reasons.

If I ask for help…
I am not enough.

If I ask for help…
I’m weak.

It’s no wonder so many of us don’t bother to ask, it’s too painful.” 

Amanda Palmer

I pride myself on being independent and doing things my own way.

My whole life I’ve been a person who thought I was being strong by doing everything on my own, even if it meant doing it with struggle.

For me “I can do it myself!” is somehow a much more instinctual reaction than “thank you”.

I’ve been uncomfortable receiving and asking for help as long as I can remember.

I never want to bother people or sometimes appear like “I don’t have it together”. The truth though is that I don’t always have it together.

Everyone needs help now and then. No one can — or should — handle everything alone.Accepting help may feel like you are giving up, but it just means you are a strong individual who knows when it is time to ask.

Moving from feeling overwhelmed to actually asking and accepting help can be extremely challenging; especially for those of us who believe that seeking help undermines our independence and our ability to cope.

Sometimes you’re lucky enough to have people in your life who see what you need and offer to help before you ask. When someone offers help, do not be afraid to accept. They would not offer unless they meant it.

Sometimes when we need help, we have to ask. The best approach is to be clear and direct, like saying, “I’m having trouble with this. Can you help me?”

I am learning asking for help is enriching my relationships and I am learning a lot from those I ask.

I have learned that most people really do enjoy giving. Accepting support ca strengthens friendships. Everyone feels good when they can support a friend!

Because it can be hard to reach out for help, don’t hesitate to reach out and offer support to another person if you think he or she needs it.

Giving and receiving support are great life skills to learn. They help us learn character qualities like empathy and generosity.

When someone looks you in the eye and says, “how can I help you,” do you have a good answer ready? Can you accept with an open heart?

Your story, our platform: If you’ve got a story and would like to share it with other Femflectors, please let us know. Femflection is all about transferring learnings to help others, be they big or subtle. We want to connect with your feelings, your learnings, your reflections or your hopes for the future – in blog or interview format. Express yourself here. Get in touch with us via anja.uitdehaag@femflection.com

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