Category Archives: Articles

Time

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By: Angie Falls

In essence we all are time travellers.

Late at night, there is this thought in my mind that just wouldn’t leave me until I wrote it down. I see the past in front of me and realize that I am unique in the universe and that everything revolves around me. Every event and occurrence in time is to teach me. Every step ahead I learn new lessons from the people I meet and the surroundings in which I move. I travel in time to the future. The years pass by me and I can see and feel the time. I only possess the ability to move forward. Unfortunately, I can’t turn back time. So many times, I wish I could. I must google this.

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Are you living the life you want or submitting to the directives, aspirations and advice that others impose on you?

 

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From the moment we are born we develop both our motives and values. Motives are deep-seated non-conscious desires and are the things that we enjoy doing. Values develop through social conditioning – home, school, religion, work, friends etc. Values are what we feel are important; the things we should do.

David McClelland’s theory on human motivation states that in normal, healthy human beings there are 3 social motives and values that describe the widest range of behaviors; achievement, affiliation and power. Achievement is a concern for achieving a standard of excellence that the individual sets for him/herself. Often people with a dominant achievement motive strive for mastery and expertise in their chosen field. Affiliation is concerned with having positive relationships for the sake of the relationship (and not in service of something else). Individuals with a dominant affiliation motive invest in a few, deep relationships and often have strong reactions towards others – they are clear whom they like and dislike. They prefer environments that are convivial and foster friendship. The power motive is a concern to have influence and impact on others. People with a dominant power motive like to have an audience and visibility. They are often good networkers.

There is no ‘right’ motive profile that determines success; we are all different.   The key to our success lies in understanding what drives our behavior in various situations; this is a combination of our motives and our values (what we believe is important at the time) and the conditions that we find ourselves in. Defining personal success is a journey of self-discovery; you need to figure out what is your true purpose, what you are passionate about, what you enjoy and find ways at work to satisfy that need.   You must to listen to your inner voice rather than be influenced by others so that you can lead a fulfilling life and not feel regret when you retire because you did not follow your heart.

Learning suggestions:

  • Take some time to determine what your motives are. There are several ways to do this:
  1. You can work with work with a coach who is accredited to help you uncover your motives and values. Usually, he/she will recommend that you take a survey to more accurately diagnose your dominant drivers since we are often not conscious of what these are.
  2. Assess your behavior patterns over time; whilst the specific circumstances may vary you look for opportunities to satisfy your motives. For example, do you always put your hand up when there is a challenging or complex problem to solve or project to run? Do you like to learn new things or deepen your knowledge in a certain area? Do you love taking the floor and entertaining people?   These patterns will be related to your underlying motives.
  3. Consider what you do in your spare time when you are free to choose. For example, do you like to spend time with close friends or family? Are you learning a new skill? Do you chair a group? Again, this will indicate your dominant motive.
  4. Get feedback from the people who know you well about what they see in your behavior.
  • Do some reflection on your life story so far. What was it like growing up? How have events shaped you? What lessons have you learned? What does that mean for how you want to live your life?

Determine what your purpose is. This should come out of your motives and values and be a guiding light in terms of what you want to achieve and how you define success.

Your story, our platform: If you’ve got a story and would like to share it with other Femflectors, please let us know. Femflection is all about transferring learnings to help others, be they big or subtle. We want to connect with your feelings, your learnings, your reflections or your hopes for the future – in blog or interview format. Express yourself here. Get in touch with us via anja.uitdehaag@femflection.com

For more content visit our website http://www.femflection.com

Coordinator: telling people what to do.

 

paintBy: Angie Falls

It makes sense to first have a good understanding of the word.

A coordinator is a person whose job is to organize events or activities and to collaborate with others to ensure they work together effectively and bring results.

In my profession, as a coordinator, I get the opportunity to work with people from different non-profit organizations. What strikes me is that these days too many people have lost passion in what they do daily. We all must make a living but can’t we have fun when doing so?

This lack of passion effects the people they should be helping in their function. It results in a decline in performance.

There was this case where I was working on when I discovered that the educational psychologist was not effective in her profession. She was deviating from the course that should be properly supporting a student. With her a mentor and a leader for learning. The collaboration between these 3 parties was not what it should have been. I had a few meetings and shared my advice and opinion on the matter. Straightforward and to the point regarding where we should focus on and which process to follow in this specific case.

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Lindsay’s In Business: PART 39: Resilience

Image-1What happens when you realise your path is entrepreneurship rather than employment? Lindsay takes up the challenge and shares an account of her journey as it unfolds…

Resilience, as I’ve discovered, isn’t about how much thick skin you’ve got or how much you can carry on with something determinedly (although that’s quite a close definition).

Resilience is “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties”.

Apparently, resilience is like a muscle – it strengthens with practice. It seems people can be more resilient if they:

  • don’t have so much recovery to do (e.g. if they mitigated the extent of the damage / pain)
  • have a degree of independence, a personal distance from the subject of the difficulties
  • see the journey that they are on is ever-evolving, and the difficulties they encounter as learning moments.

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NO WAY – WHAT WILL THEY THINK?

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Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”– Marianne Williamson

I am pre-programmed to question myself: can I really do this? What if people don’t like what I have done?

When self-doubts creep in, I get highly sensitive and quick to take things personally. Or – when things have not gone as expected – I just do nothing and give in to the disappointment.

I am not only afraid of failure; being successful is scary as well! Imagine the changes success could potentially bring? Do I really deserve it? What happens when I am going to lose it again? And of course: how are my friends and family going to react? Will I lose their love and acceptance because of envy, jealousy and resentment?

Self-doubt can make you feel inadequate, overwhelmed and insecure. As a result you don’t do the things you need to do, are scared to try new activities and lose the motivation to perform.

To become more confident, stop thinking so much and act.

If you are constantly thinking that you are not good enough or that you will never make it, that is what you will believe and that will become your reality.

Next time you experience fear, ask yourself “What is the worst thing that could happen?” Acknowledge your fear and then let it go. Remind yourself that worst case scenario’s are nothing but products of the imagination and that they rarely come to fruition.

Your story, our platform: If you’ve got a story and would like to share it with other Femflectors, please let us know. Femflection is all about transferring learnings to help others, be they big or subtle. We want to connect with your feelings, your learnings, your reflections or your hopes for the future – in blog or interview format. Express yourself here. Get in touch with us via anja.uitdehaag@femflection.com

For more content visit our website http://www.femflection.com

DREAM BIG – ACT SMALL

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 By: Anja Uitdehaag

 “If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough.” — Ellen Johnson Sirleaf

All kids dream big. They want to be super famous, super meaningful, super powerful superheroes. (I used to spend quite a bit of time dreaming about doing something special and be famous for making a positive difference to the whole world in my own way.)

As we mature, these dreams are typically educated out of us. With age comes “wisdom” and a more “practical” perspective. We lower our expectations and often fear failure and risk taking.

Such a shame!

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Lindsay’s In Business: PART 38: Blind Faith

 

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What happens when you realise your path is entrepreneurship rather than employment? Lindsay takes up the challenge and shares an account of her journey as it unfolds…

Hi again – I’ve been blogging with Femflections for just over a year now and thanks to those who have been reading and sent over good vibes during that time. As you know, it’s been a tougher ride than I thought it would be so far and now I’m going to send some good vibes out back to you, whoever you are, just because I can 😊.

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