Lindsay’s In Business: PART 55. An emotional journey

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What happens when you realise your path is entrepreneurship rather than employment? Lindsay takes up the challenge and shares an account of her journey as it unfolds…

It’s getting so exciting because the idea I last blogged about, to launch a free online team effectiveness test, is going to happen and who knows where it will lead! We aim to launch it in October and run it for 10 months. I’m going to get it promoted ALL OVER social media and it will disrupt the ‘command and control’ leaders when their team members initiate this without their knowledge. It could just generate some interesting leads and data – it could catch on, become shared, and reach our goal of 1,000 participating teams. Great PR stories to come!

It’s getting exciting because a prestigious management school has asked me to run a short version of Mirror Mirror for 100 of their students to teach them about teamwork and leadership, and to help them in innovation challenges with leading global organizations.

It’s getting really exciting because 2 days ago I had a meeting with a management consultancy in London. It was a bit of an after-thought to request a meeting because this guy – Head of the London practice had already referred me to ‘the guy developing a team offering’ last April.  But I thought hey, while I’m in London, why not?!  It was possibly the best meeting ever – he loves the idea and pretty much articulated how well it fits into the gap in their portfolio, how disappointed he was with ‘the guy’ for not having come up with anything, how he wants a run of Mirror Mirror with his team asap, and how they do acquire products for their hundreds of consultants around the globe to use with their clients….

And it’s getting even more exciting because I’ve been asked to take 5 – 6 consultants from another management consultancy through a Mirror Mirror certification programme.

Yet I feel nervous because I have asked for a family loan to cover the costs of the online test and the upgrade of our reporting tool to a more sophisticated online platform, which is something we need to do before Xmas. Luckily, I can get that money, but it’s quite a lot and puts more pressure on.

I feel insecure because another communications agency, whom I’ve been courting for about a year, were VERY keen before the summer but just went cold.  “We’re doing some strategy reviews and will get back to you soon.”  They signed an NDA and I sent the list of questions (the old version). What happened? Was it something I did? Are they going to copy the idea?  I’m being very professional, but I’d love to ask my contaRISct there for the real story but don’t want to look insecure.

Most significantly, I feel deeply disappointed because the new super-director who joined 3 months ago is very keen and insightful but hasn’t delivered much that is tangible, despite agreements to do so in the 4 hours a week we set up for his involvement. I went to London earlier this week for sales appointments that he was aiming to line up, but there were none.  So, we had a whole day brainstorming meeting instead and I broached my concerns – I need strategic and operational inputs. Maybe I didn’t do that well because his reaction was that he wanted to think about pausing on the whole thing. I instinctively know that I needed to raise this issue and yesterday wrote to clarify the proposed deal along with ground rules that I know must be in place for this to work.  Deep down I wonder this: if he decides to continue, will it work out anyway?  Should I just cut it off?  Then I think about it. Real leaders don’t immediately bail on their reports, they make an effort to clarify and enable first.

And I’m feeling alone.  My collaborator, Miss X is away (and I only normally talk to her during scheduled appointments). My only other partner may not be involved anymore, my husband is busy having a drink with the neighbours, and I can’t think of who I can talk to about all of this.

I reflect for a moment on this haphazard and emotional journey I’m on.  It seems that we’re all just making our life moves based on how we bet the future will play out. Starting a new business is a festival of bets and I’m jumping from one ride to another trying to figure it out.

I’m tired.

And soon, I’ll be back in Amsterdam.

Mirror Mirroris a data-driven alignment process that accelerates effectiveness, team by team. It is the quickest and most cost-efficient way to leverage the collective ability of your people.

Your story, our platform: If you’ve got a story and would like to share it with other Femflectors, please let us know. Femflection is all about transferring learnings to help others, be they big or subtle. We want to connect with your feelings, your learnings, your reflections or your hopes for the future – in blog or interview format. Express yourself here. Get in touch with us via anja.uitdehaag@femflection.com

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