by Mine Batiyel
Have you ever been homeless? Forced to leave your family? Do you know what it really means to be scared, I mean really scared? What about hunger? Feeling the cold in your bones? Worst of all, not knowing where you are?
Quite a well executed summary of my short life to date. I have still not given up. I am trying to survive. I still believe in people even have faith in them. Sometimes I do think that I am contradicting myself but knowing things could still be worse than what they are just gives me the energy to keep going.
My new family was so excited to have me. They accepted me with love and kindness. I was truly happy to be with them. I must admit they also quite openly showed me that they were also content to have me around. Suddenly something happened to change all this. I still cannot figure out to this day what it was that changed our lives. I must have done something wrong. But I was behaving the same all along. Did I expect too much from them? Come to think of it my only expectation from my new family was love. I don’t think that I asked for anything else. Never mind! I will never manage to solve this issue.
Now I am in yet another place, a place I try to call home. It is so different to my previous home. I could not find a single thing that is similar. Wait perhaps the people are somewhat the same. They are kind; very much like my ex-family members and my mother.
One evening what I thought was going to be a family outing turned out to be something I would never have imagined. My father stopped the car, opened my door and naturally I jumped out thinking that this was the place where we were all getting off. Unfortunately they left and I remained behind. I ran with all my might after them, but I could not keep up with the car. So I found myself in front of this gate. All I could hear was the barking of dogs. My ex-family I suppose never wanted me to have a dog as a friend since they never let me get close to one. I didn’t know what to do. I jumped on this wall and stayed there. I must have fallen a sleep since the next thing I remember took place in daylight.
All of a sudden I remember a few people coming towards me. I was so afraid but despite this I could not move at all. Someone reached out for me. I wanted to retaliate but I couldn’t. I felt that I was shaking all over. She took me in her arms. I was so uncomfortable. Up until this moment no one outside of my ex-family members had taken me in their arms. I tried to free myself but she was holding me so tight that I had no chance.
She started to walk. I was still in her arms. We entered through the gate. There were dogs everywhere. Some were walking beside us, some were tied up yet others were locked up in cages and all were barking. I don’t even remember what was going through my mind at that moment. She left me in a room. I was all by myself. What was I going to do here?
After a little while someone came into my room. He brought me some food and water. He talked to me but I was in no state to reply. I had to go to the toilet. How was I going to do that? Isn’t anybody going to help me out? Someone somehow always helped me out. I went to the door and tried to get someone’s attention but this was not successful. No one understood me. So I have been in this place for half an hour and my confusion had not worn off yet.
Most of the things I have learnt in life to date do not seem to work here. I have to learn new things and what can I do, I have to learn them. I never barked a lot before and anyhow my family did not actually want me to bark at all, but here I have to bark. Like all the others. I could never go to the toilet in the house; boy when there were accidents they would get so angry with me. But they don’t get upset with me here. I also learned to jump on people here. Come to think of it I have already learnt a lot.
One gets used to almost anything. Despite all when visitors come to see us I always wait with eagerness in the hope that I would see someone from my family again. Maybe one day they will come. I will be here.