Tag Archives: Confidence

Be “You-Er”; Lead Like You Do

adult business choices choosing

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by Anja Uitdehaag

All things being equal, people will work with people they like. All things not being equal, they still will – John C. Maxwell

Let me start with a question:

In Business or elsewhere in your life, think about times when you tried to be something you weren’t to impress others or gain acceptance. What did that experience teach you? Why do you think you fell into it?

It is tempting for women who report primarily to men to believe they have to copy-paste men’s management, leadership and interpersonal styles. They adhere to many of the “rules of conduct” that spelled success for men.

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Do you know what you don’t like about yourself in a conflict situation?

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“In business, when two people always agree, one of them is irrelevant” – William Wrigley.

Conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. Nobody can be expected to agree on everything all the time.  Make conflict resolution the priority rather than winning or being right. Maintaining and strengthening the relationship should always be the first priority. Say what must be said in a way that is not damaging the relationship. Pride does not belong at work!

Suggestions for managing and resolving conflict:

  • If you have a problem explain your thinking and ask the other party to explain his/her thinking. Focus only on the issue, not on the person. Separate facts from opinions and assumptions;
  • Take the time to really define the problem: describe the problem and its impact, avoid direct blaming remarks, make the problem concrete and specific;
  • Listen for what is felt as well as said. Let the other person finish, don’t interrupt, ask clarifying questions, acknowledge the other person’s feelings and show respect;
  • Use contrasting technique if applicable: “I don’t want to appear that I haven’t heard what you said, because I have. I do want to express a different way to look at the situation”;
  • Let the person know when what you are about to say is difficult: “this is a bit difficult for me to say, but I do want to let you know how I see the situation”;
    If you get emotional, pause and pull yourself together;
  • Focus on the common goals, priorities and problems on both sides. Find wins on both sides, give in on little points, show respect;
  • Keep the open conflict points as concrete and specific as possible (the more abstract it gets, the more unmanageable it is);
  • If you cannot agree on a solution on all conflict points, agree on a procedure to move forward;
  • Know when to let go of something: agree to disagree, disengage and move on;
    If needed, take the situation to the upper level for further calibration or decision taking.
    Other learning suggestions:

We often don’t like in others what we don’t want to see in ourselves. Are you up for a challenge? Write down five traits that really bug you when you see them in others. Be aware that these traits are your “hot buttons”.

Your story, our platform: If you’ve got a story and would like to share it with other Femflectors, please let us know. Femflection is all about transferring learnings to help others, be they big or subtle. We want to connect with your feelings, your learnings, your reflections or your hopes for the future – in blog or interview format. Express yourself here. Get in touch with us via anja.uitdehaag@femflection.com

For more content visit our website http://www.femflection.com

 

How time flies.

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By: Angie Falls

The new year has begun and it gives me time to reflect on the past year. How exciting has it been? In a short time span, I was privileged to follow up on so many new adventures. Little did I know when I started my coaching study how it would develop. As a professional working in an international environment taught me a lot about communicating with people from different cultures. I wanted to develop this skill on a different level by coaching individuals who graduate and want to have a job experience in an international setting. This turned out to be very successful and one day when I was having lunch with an acquaintance I communicated about the excitement of this new activity. She shared with me that she was looking for a person with expert knowledge on expats. Her company was approached with a new assignment for which she did not have the in-house knowledge. This new assignment she would dare to pursue if I would assist. I instantly agreed and together we started this new chapter in our mutual lives. I was trained by her with the theoretical approach which was developed for this type of coaching. Along the way, she would be my coach for this assignment. The assignment was family coaching in the most extended way you can imagine and mostly for a track of 1 year. It involved the integration of another culture and the way of living. When a highly skilled migrant is invited by a company they mostly leave their home country with their families. Coaching is primarily with the focus on growing children at the age of approximately 16 years and their spouses who need to adapt life in a new country. I started a course Introduction to Psychology to get a better understanding of people in general. The whole coaching process turned out to be very time consuming for me and there were occasions during the coaching track that I needed assistance from behavioral specialists. I ventilated this to my acquaintance with an advice concerning collaboration with other colleagues. She granted me this and I was promoted to manager of the assignment. Two behavioral specialists were introduced to me. I had to select one to assist on this specific assignment. The candidate that I had the best connection with was very well organized in her presentation and a very likable person to collaborate with. When I started working with her she also could report and document on a high level. All of that for a student who graduated and just finished her internship to start her first assignment for the company with me. I discussed the assignment with her and the actions we had to take. I could share with her my knowledge and learn from her as a behavioral specialist. While working on the first assignment I was offered a new assignment to work on. I told my acquaintance that I would like to coordinate this assignment only if I could agree on this with the behavioral specialist with whom I am working right now. I felt that we were the perfect duo for both the assignments. That became coaching journey number two. My goals for 2018? 2018 make way here I come!

Your story, our platform: If you’ve got a story and would like to share it with other Femflectors, please let us know. Femflection is all about transferring learnings to help others, be they big or subtle. We want to connect with your feelings, your learnings, your reflections or your hopes for the future – in blog or interview format. Express yourself here. Get in touch with us via anja.uitdehaag@femflection.com

For more content visit our website http://www.femflection.com

It is Great to Know You don’t Know ….

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By: Anja Uitdehaag 

Admitting you don’t know something could be seen as a sign of weakness. What do you do?

First of all relax.

Don’t stress about it.

You don’t come into the job knowing all there is to know about everything.

No matter what is your day to day work, it’s absolutely normal not to know everything. You’ll keep your credibility by saying, “I don’t know, but I’ll check for the answer”, than trying to answers with information you aren’t sure.

MORE IMPORTANTLY:

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SO WHY NOT YOU?

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 By: Anja Uitdehaag

“If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough.” — Ellen Johnson Sirleaf

All kids dream big. They want to be super famous, super meaningful, super powerful superheroes. (I used to spend quite a bit of time dreaming about doing something special and be famous for making a positive difference to the whole world in my own way.)

As we mature, these dreams are typically educated out of us. With age comes “wisdom” and a more “practical” perspective. We lower our expectations and often fear failure and risk taking.

Such a shame!

Even if not every aspect of our dreams is realized, our dreams herald big results.

What most successful people have in common is that they had dreams and consistently maintained a “think big” attitude.

The beauty of dreaming big is that it means that the best still lies ahead of you. It doesn’t matter how old you are, how stuck you feel in your life, or where you are right now: with big dreams come big possibilities!

And isn’t that what makes life fun and worth living?

A few tips to get you started realizing your dream:

  • Face your fears and acknowledge them. Confronting your fears doesn’t make them go away, but it will build courage. And that’s what courage is: confronting your fears. If you continuously confront your fears, theywill diminish;
  • Realize that anything worthwhile takes focus, dedication, and follow-through;
  • Think big, execute small. Eat the Elephant One Bite at a Time. Starting small helps you break down that big dream into small, manageable action steps. A small step towards a big dream is often the only motivation you need to take the next step, and the next;
  • When practicing big thinking, seek like-minded people who energize you. Surround yourself with people who believe in your dreams, encourage your ideas and support your ambitions;
  • Cultivate a “can do” attitude. Focus on the positives, the potential, and the possibilities. Crush negativity (“No, I cannot do that”-thinking)
  • Invest in yourself. This could be something as small as buying a self-help book or enrolling in a business class or as big as traveling across the world;
  • Celebrate Your Failures: Each time you fail consider it a lesson learned. Learn from it and move on because with every baby step you take you’re one step closer to realizing your dream;
  • Above all: Believe in Yourself. Belief is the most important part of realizing your dreams. If you believe it can happen, it can happen. To quote Steve Jobs:

    “Life can be much broader, once you discover one simple fact, and that is that everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.” 

    Your story, our platform: If you’ve got a story and would like to share it with other Femflectors, please let us know. Femflection is all about transferring learnings to help others, be they big or subtle. We want to connect with your feelings, your learnings, your reflections or your hopes for the future – in blog or interview format. Express yourself here. Get in touch with us via anja.uitdehaag@femflection.com

    For more content visit our website http://www.femflection.com

Situation 45: Second guessing one self

In a face-to-face meeting Boss is requesting Betsy to replace Mansy during his leave of absence. Betsy is obviously flattered by the request but also doubts whether she is ready for this responsibility. She asks whether maybe Billy would be a more logical choice.

(Click on the pictures to see them in full size)

A great leader:

  • Is self-confident and readily seeks and accepts new challenges;
  • Looks for opportunities to grow and develop her capabilities;
  • Seeks help from others to enable her to succeed.

How to best handle the situation:

If you are invited to step up and take on new responsibility, this is because you are seen as someone with the capabilities required to succeed at this level. Of course, it may also be a test to see how well you perform in new situations, however, this is borne out of a belief that you have potential. If you are ambitious and want to move up in your career you should welcome the new challenge with open arms.

Treat this interim assignment as you would any new job: understand what the expectations are of you in the role, be clear on the goals, objectives and priorities you need to deliver on, meet with key stakeholders in your new capacity. It is probable that you will be working with the same people as you did before this assignment, so it is vital that you act at your new higher level and communicate to your colleagues that you are in a different role with different demand than previously. Take the time to establish new working arrangements with your colleagues and any direct reports you may now have.

It can be daunting stepping into a higher-level position, so it is worth enlisting some support – a coach or mentor – who can help you navigate the new complexities of your role and transition to act at the level commensurate with your new responsibilities.

Schedule some 1:1’s with your (new) line manager to review your progress and take steps to ensure that you stay on course.

Learning suggestions:

  • If you are seeking promotion, people are more likely to award that to you if they already think of you as operating at that level. Take time to know the accountabilities of the role(s) that you aspire to and start to assume/volunteer for some responsibilities related to these.
  • Observe how your seniors, particularly, those whom you admire dress, talk, behave etc., and try to emulate them.
  • Get exposure to more senior levels in the organization to learn about how work gets done, the decisions that are taken etc. – request shadowing opportunities, volunteer to sit on cross-functional steering groups, contribute to discussion groups and fora etc.
  • Work with a mentor, who is a seasoned professional, whom you admire, to learn more about your area of expertise and the organization and develop your capabilities to a higher level.

 Femchallenge:

  • Volunteer to join a high, visibility project or sit on a committee that gives you a different perspective of your organization.

 Femcommunity tips:

We welcome your thoughts, experiences and comments on how you would deal with such a situation.

Find more on our website Femflection.com

My Story

Iroh – Avatar The last Airbender

by Raechanah Syafei

It was in 2010 when I was diagnosed with cancer and for two years I underwent medical treatment.

In the middle of 2012 I had total hysterectomy.

I was devastated both physically and mentally throughout this time. For two years I struggled to keep my high performance level up at work and at the same time fighting against my cancer. I am a right-handed person and since I could not use my right hand anymore I learnt to write with my left hand.

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