Category Archives: Femthoughts

UNDERSTANDING MYSELF

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by Anja Uitdehaag

“The more you know yourself, the more patience you have for what you see in others.” – Erikson

 It is very easy to confuse “What we do” with “who we are”.

When I was younger, I associated job title and fitting into a group with my self-worth. I didn’t realise how much I drew upon my work as the source of my identity. I had spent so much of my life working toward what I thought were my important life goals only to find out that this was not the case.

I ended up thinking ‘There must be more to life, or to me than this’?

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My career – my responsibility

the-flash-dc-universe

“Leaders who succeed take control of their lives. They don’t wait for others to hand them opportunities and they don’t believe they are owed anything. Leaders figure out what kind of glass cutter – or skills – they need to cut through or around their current obstacles.” (Liz Weber)

Personal career responsibility means accepting that you, and only you, are in charge of your own destiny.

Don’t wait for things to happen – make them happen! Don’t wait for a promotion to land in your lap and for management to offer you a new job on a platter. Don’t expect others to make things happen to you.

Choosing to be a victim of your circumstances makes you lose control over situations that come your way. Be specific about what you want. Don’t just think: “I want to get ahead”, but figure out exactly what success will look like. What position do you want and when? Once you have a solid and clear idea of the direction you want your life and career to go, make sure you have a plan to help you excel. Make your personal development plan and make a commitment to yourself to follow it through.

Your career is your responsibility!

Anja Uitdehaag

For more content visit our website http://www.femflection.com

Authenticity Matters

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“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” – Oscar Wilde

The more we try to be something else—what our parents told us we should be, what our jobs demand us to be, what other people seem to think we should be—the more the desire to just be ourselves grows stronger.

In other words: Our authenticity comes under pressure as soon as we are challenged to act in a way that is foreign to our nature.

As long as we are able to find our own voice, adapt our behaviors and at the same time maintain our personal values and integrity we will function well.

The key to maintaining your balance of self and to become the most authentic version of yourself is simply focusing on what makes you happy by regularly checking in with yourself.

Taking care of your self is the most powerful way to begin to take care of others. Your wellbeing is the platform from which you serve others.

Embrace your individuality and be true to yourself!

Take care!

Anja Uitdehaag

For more content visit our website http://www.femflection.com

The Key To Our Success

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From the moment we are born we develop both our motives and values.  Motives are deep-seated non-conscious desires and are the things that we enjoy doing.  Values develop through social conditioning – home, school, religion, work, friends etc. Values are what we feel are important; the things we should do.

David McClelland’s theory on human motivation states that in normal, healthy human beings there are 3 social motives and values that describe the widest range of behaviors:

  • achievement,
  • affiliation and
  • power.

Achievement is a concern for achieving a standard of excellence that the individual sets for him/herself.  Often people with a dominant achievement motive strive for mastery and expertise in their chosen field.

Affiliation is concerned with having positive relationships for the sake of the relationship (and not in service of something else).  Individuals with a dominant affiliation motive invest in a few, deep relationships and often have strong reactions towards others – they are clear whom they like and dislike.  They prefer environments that are convivial and foster friendship.

The power motive is a concern to have influence and impact on others.  People with a dominant power motive like to have an audience and visibility.  They are often good networkers.

There is no ‘right’ motive profile that determines success; we are all different.

The key to our success lies in understanding what drives our behavior in various situations; this is a combination of our motives and our values (what we believe is important at the time) and the conditions that we find ourselves in.

Defining personal success is a journey of self-discovery; you need to figure out what is your true purpose, what you are passionate about, what you enjoy and find ways at work to satisfy that need. You must to listen to your inner voice rather than be influenced by others so that you can lead a fulfilling life and not feel regret when you retire because you did not follow your heart.

Anja Uitdehaag

Growing Your Career

confucius4

“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step” (Lao-Tzu)

If you want to continue moving forward in your career, you must continue growing your skills.

Once you have a solid and clear idea of the direction you want your life and career to go, it is also important to have a plan to help you excel.

Make your personal development plan a commitment to yourself!

Your development plan could look as follows:

  • What do I want to achieve 6 months, 3 years and 5 years from now?
  • What are my strengths and areas for development?
  • What do I want to learn? (learning objectives)
  • What do I have to do? (overview of learning actions)
  • What support and resources will I need? (i.e. books, regular review meetings with your manager, sparring partner, coach etc.)
  • How will I measure success?
  • Completion date

Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it.

Begin it now!

On Femflection.com you will find useful websites for your continuous personal development.

Anja Uitdehaag

Manterrupting

elastigirl-the-incredibles

In the first 26 minutes of the US Presidential Debate alone, Trump interrupted Clinton 25 times; in the total debate more than 50 times. This did not go unnoticed on Twitter.

The phenomenon of women getting unnecessarily interrupted in work meetings is so common it has a name: “manterrupting.”

Studies show when women speak up at work, they are more likely to be interrupted and less likely to be credited for their contributions. As a result, women speak up less than their male counterparts.

We all exhibit unconscious gender bias. Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant phrased it as follows:

“When a woman speaks in a professional setting she walks a tight rope. Either she’s barely heard or she’s judged as too aggressive. When a man says virtually the same thing, heads nod in appreciation for his fine idea.” 

I have two more self-explaining new words for you:

  • Mansplaining: A term to describe when a man patronizingly explains something to a woman, under the supposed assumption that she couldn’t possibly understand because she’s a woman;
  • Bropriating: When a man takes credit for a woman’s idea at a meeting.

Putting a funny or sarcastic name to bad or dominant behavior can be empowering for women, but it is clear there’s still a lot of work to do regarding communication diversity & equality.

Anja Uitdehaag

For more content visit our website http://www.femflection.com

If I Were A Boy: I Know When I Am Ready For A Promotion And I Will Raise My Hand!

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Research shows that men in comparable positions are much more confident in their capabilities than their male peers even when they are no more competent.

A prime example is that if a man can fulfill 60% of the requirements of a job description, he will apply, while if a woman cannot do the full 100%, she will not.

That goes for even the most ambitious women. Virginia Rometty, IBM ’s CEO, has said that when she was offered a promotion early in her career, she responded, “You know what? I’m not ready for this job.” She reconsidered only when her husband told her that a man would never think that way.

If I were a boy I would believe in myself, have no doubts about my capabilities and raise my hand. I am confident that I can figure out the things I don’t know yet.

Anja Uitdehaag

If I Were A Boy: I KnowWhen I Deserve A Raise And I Will Ask For It!

Aberjhani

According to Carnegie Mellon University economics professor Linda Babcock, co-author of “Women Don’t Ask”, men are four times more likely than women to ask for a raise.

When women do ask, they typically request 30% less than men do. In a study of 78 masters students, she also found that just 12.5% of women negotiated for their starting salary, versus 52% of men.

Despite attempts to debunk the wage gap statistic, women only earn 77% of what men earn for the same job or amount of work. At this rate, it could take a full 45 years before the wage gap disappears.

Women are paying a high price for our stereotypes about how men and women should behave.

If I were a boy I was expected to be confident, opinionated and assertive. I would ask for what I deserve!

Anja Uitdehaag

The “Always On” Workplace Culture

Spongebob – Squarepants

Today’s ‘always on’ workplace culture can take a heavy toll on us. Many of us are expected to be on call 24/7 to respond to any query. We are under constant pressure and overloaded with nonstop streams of information. We are simply working more, and harder, rather than smarter.

All of this has a major impact on our well-being. Switching off and resting is a key means of managing stress whatever your profession. However, it’s not always a simple matter of pushing the “off” button.

It is vital that leaders:

  • lead by example,
  • signal what realistic work expectations are,
  • support staff who are showing signs of burn out and
  • create a culture that actively helps people manage their time effectively.

It won’t happen bottom up; too many employees are frightened to set limits for themselves.

Anja Uitdehaag

“Give, give, get.” – Erica Dhawan

Olaf – Frozen

A full 70% of jobs are found through networking, and 40% of job seekers say they found their dream job through a personal connection.

So, building a strong network of connections is crucial to career success.

Build your network way before you need it.

Make networking a part of your everyday routine, rather than relying on it only when you are desperate.

There are always new people to meet and relationships to deepen.

Give before you take!

A “How can I help you?”- attitude builds trust into any relationship. It shows you care about a person and that you are backing your caring up with concrete action.

As Adam Grant, professor at Wharton and author of Give and Take has found, the people who give more than they take go further and experience more success.

Anja Uitdehaag